it's all my fault.

i'm sorry blogspot.

tumblr has consumed me. but to make it up to you, i fixed you up a bit. and you're still looking great. (:

my semester is almost over. i have a new apartment, new roommate. it's all great. i turned 19 !
seems like longer than that huh ?

i'm sitting in the computer lab now. listening to the playlist i made on tumblr (forgive me !).. i decided it'd only be right to come pay you a visit. you're still my first love.

(:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU29dM_rKXM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

take a moment to watch this video. it could save this girl's life. i honestly believe that if enough of us do our part, it could help her in so many ways.

reblog it, post it on your twitter and Facebook pages, like it or favorite on YouTube, send it to other people. anything.

abandoned.

i haven't written in you in forever. my deepest apologies man. i promised to stay faithful to you although i started up that tumblr, but i failed at keeping my promise. :( i'm sorry.

school is awesome. i'm finally back at shsu ! me and my roommate are great. financial aid hasn't been trippin. all my classes are paid for. been eating good. lol, it's good..

me and kerry are a bit rocky. but we'll make it. me and joe are great. that's my bestfriend foreal. six years ? that's my ride AND die.

me and tyron ? great. that's real love.

i'm pretty much surrounded by some amazing fucking people. my days have been awesome since semester started. always in a good mood, always smiling and shit. i made the right decision coming back here. (:


and there's my update on my life. next weekend is homecoming.. and it's gonna get extra crazy. and that's all that needs to be said. <3

byeeeee
Rae.

American Idollllll

tomorrow i'll be in austinnnnn ! i'm auditioning for american idol. i'm like, nervous, excited, anxious. everything. idek what i'm singing for sure. so many choices.

all i know is that ima get there tomorrow. auditions are wednesday. i'll be outside that stadium at FIVE IN THE MORNING. can you believe that ? i can. lol it's gonna be like a gazillion people with the same dream as me. hopefully they see something in me and allow me to make it to the top ya know ?

just gotta keep praying. stay focused. stay humble and determined. i'm so ready and not ready at the same time. lol pray for me !

and oh, i made a tumblr the other day. it's just like another blog. and i reaalllyyyy like it, but i will forever stay faithful to you. i tell you almost everything. it's ridiculous. lol but anywho..

i'm at the nail shop. it was much needed, whew. so i'll write later. (:

raeeeee <3

written 2:22:08..

Love. A four letter word with several different meanings. Love means hate. You hate the fact that you can love a person as much as you do. He hates it that you love him so much that his smallest mistakes can destroy you. Love means effort. You have to work to gain love and to give it. It WONT come easy. It takes pure effort from both sides in order for true love to be achieved. Love means life. It's impossible to live life without love. It's in the air we breathe and the steps we take and the decisions we make. That is why love means you and me. We are the exact image of love. Without you, love is incomplete. Without me some love is missing. So embrace our love, for it is rare in this day and time. It is more than a four letter word. It is the perfect definition of what we are. I love you.

raeeee <3

#QuiteClose !

Denzel and I dropped a mixtape today. just me him with two features.

Here's the link.

http://bit.ly/b6ceaX

We expected it to so as well as its doing. We dropped it around 12:30 today and within the first two hours there were almost 600 downloads. We worked really hard on this mixtape. Made sure it was not a disappointment to those who expect the best from us.

So enjoy that. We take this seriously. We don't let bullshit interfere with our aim at success. We just keep it moving. Me and Denzel have come a looooong way from high school.

And my team ? Smh, I wouldn't trade them for anything. Ron, Joe, Denzel, Tyler. Everything we do, we do it together. And that's enough said.

Hope y'all enjoy that music. Thanks for the support. #MF

Love y'all,
Raeeee <3

smfh.

see..

you think I don't know what you're doing. everytime I try to give the benefit of the doubt to those who do not deserve it, they further prove to me that they DON'T deserve it. and as much as I wanna fight for this shit, I'm not gon be the fool.

I'm not a fool. and I can sense shady shit before it even becomes shady yet. blinded by love, I'll give YOU that. but you ? you've lost every bit of my respect that you ever had. and you will never get it back.

confirmation.

*smiles*

the simplest thing hurt each and every one of my feelings today.

i was browsing around facebook. going through everyones pictures.. and one of the comments on the pictures hit me where it hurt as soon as i finished that last word.

something i thought i was included in. but maybe i'm being selfish. "favorites"

I figured I was favored just a bit, ya know ? but hey.. I tend to overreact. maybe i'm doing that again.

who knows..

l o v e.

a powerful, powerful thing. i don't like to play around with it either. and to love as hard as i do ? i wouldn't want to play with it. it's strong. it's dangerous. it's sacred. it's hard. but most of all, it's worth it. i'm already living proof that love is worth engaging in. sigh..

this mind of mine.. you'd get lost in it. that's where i got lost. and i'm STILL tryna find myself. crazy, right ?

if i could..

i really need to learn how to let things go.. once i let them go, i'll understand why i held on so long in the first place. or does it even work like that ? sheesh..

here's the deal.. have you ever wanted to let go of something or someone but at the same time, you weren't really ready to let it go ? i'm not sure how much sense that made to y'all, but it makes perfect sense to me..

everytime i attempt to convince myself that i should just let things be, that little voice comes in my ear. and each time, I listen. it's only right.

one day ima let go.. or maybe not. idk, hell. i don't know.

as bad as i feel sometimes.. my holding on just feels so right. even when it's wrong it feels right. and i like to feel 'right.' doesn't everyone ?

i'm out man..

dear you.

is it hard to believe that the things we used to discuss still linger in my mind ? is it almost impossible that I am still as in love as I was when we first brought all of that up ?

I feel like I'm being so cheesy but I'm being so real.

I'm literally driving myself insane. it's no ones fault. maybe one day I'll let go of the thought of us one day getting shit together and trying shit out. I'll stop holding on to this "hope" that I have that maybe, just maybe..

but I have a feeling that that day is far away from here. whatever keeps whispering in my mind before I go to sleep, I'm listening. it tells me not to give up. not that I would ever give up on you anyway. giving up on you would be like giving up on myself. I hold you deep in my heart. all the way in there. but anyway.

I think I've said too much because my hearts beginning to race. I have too mch on my mind to write it all down, I guess.

...

hmpf.

if I didn't let the little things get to me so much, i'd be the happiest person alive. unfortunately every little thing pisses me off. and i'm such an emotional person. I don't have this tough exterior. everyone know that I cry. but they don't know how often or why I do it. smh. but those reasons are too much for me to handle so I wouldn't dare share them with the rest of you. I pray everyday for guidance. I just need to stay consistent.


Rae <3

it's just not our season.

meaning, it isn't our time to try something new. it isn't our time to be what we've thought of being every now and again. it's not our time to do anything that one would want to do.. it just isn't our season. analytically, it is your season, but with another. it just isn't my season. we come in a package so.. as I said before, it's just not our season. who ever knew that when seasons change, so does everything. spring flings, winter loves, summer buddies. things that become something or someone different everytime the new season came. it's different with us though. we never changed who we were. we remained true to who we were. and neither did the fling. fling set on fire is a flame. it never changed. makes me believe it was NEVER our season. it was our days.. only in my head though.
sometimes I'd like to say that I am in denial... I think I am.

Raeee <3

daily reminder.

I know you know I love you, but I have to keep telling you. seems like with all you have going on you may forget that my love is always there. I'm always in the middle of your mind, I hope. cuz I know someone else is occupying your front, and I'm too important to be in the back.

so I love you. remember that foo..

Raeeee <3

for lovers only.

see ? reciprocation. nobody believes in that anymore. nobody except for me. it's sad, really.

always.

I've just always been there. I've alwys held you down. I've always made a way for you before making a way for myself. Crazy, right ? Love'll make you do some crazy things, I'm living proof of that. We have this rollercoaster relationship. It's like I always have to wonder where we stand or how you feel. I'm too scared to ask, though. I'm afraid that the answer I receive may not be what I wanna hear. That's when i begin to try to read you. I try to make out some of the things you say and do to somehow depict what you're thinking. I sit and contemplate the things we've been through and the things I've done recently. That's when I begin to question myself. Even with everything that I've ever done for you in this life, I still manage to believe that I can do one thing that can make you drop me just like that. Even with the money I've given you, even with all the tears I've shed for you, even with all of the times I've saved you or given you whatever you needed. I can still manage to do that ONE thing that makes you forget all of the good I've done, and forget me forever.
I never understood how you could do that. I never understand alot of the thongs you do anymore, but I keep trying. I keep fighting for you. I keep trying for you. I stay down. I stay by your side. Because no matter how much you push and shove me away, you need me. I need you. And I know we didn't get this far to drop it down the drain. So I keep trying. For you. I'd literally give everything fr you. But you already knew that.

Rae <3

http://www.limelinx.com/files/81e5dc69a315cb1b25ae99e88d849d04

there's the link to my mixtape if you don't have it.

I had over 600 downloads on wednesday ! isn't that amazing ?! and there's so many people supporting me that I didn't even know cared about the tape. I'm ao proud of myself.

I really can't take credit for it though. God has blessed me with talents. and he's blessed me with the opportunity to showcase them to the world. so many people are proud of me, jamming my songs, keepin my stuff on repeat. I am proud ! and I'm ecstatic about the progress of this tape. I love it. my mama loves it. everybody loves it and I'm glad. seriously, I'm beyond blessed. why I've ever complained and why I ever will complain, I just don't know.

people still downloading it as we speak. I'm still promoting it and people are still helping me promote it. nothing but love being thrown my way I promise.

I also went to the drake concert last night with brookie. ahhhhhh. he touched my hand lol.. I'd like to say he looked me in the eyes and pointed at me for a good 5 seconds. pure blissss. y'all know how much I love that man ! whew. I had too much fun.

doors didn't open til 7 but me and Brooke got there at 4. and that time was perfect. we were right in the front. (: funfunfun.

anywho.. download the tape if you haven't already. I'm proud of it and I'm sure you'll enjoy. I'll write a little later.

byeeeee (:
Rae <3

the big day.

it's 12:15 am. I'm anxiously waiting for Denzel to send me the songs so I can sort them out and put them in perfect order. then by 10 tomorrow, the mixtape will be up and available for downloading (:

I'm soooooooo excited. I've worked so hard on this tape. put my all into it. they'll be able to tell when they listen to it.

I just don't know what to do while I sit here and wait ! my heart is racing, I swear it's tryna leave my chest lol.. I'm just so ready. I'm ready to hear it myself. lol I mean, I know what's on there, but I'm so excited that it'll be like the first time. oohhh..

I'll put the tape on here too.. I'm too excited. I'll write later lol

byeeeeer
Rae <3

simpleLogic.

i've worked so hard to introduce myself to the world as a musical artist. hopefully this mixtape shows what i'm talking about. everything was written by me. every concept of the song was by me.. with the help of my brother. not too many singers put out mixtapes.. i'm glad to be one of the few, if not the only. lol

TWO MORE DAYS !

make sure you get it.

it is.

everytime you tell me you love me, it warms my soul. like every single time. I know how hard it is to obtain your love, and I've been so lucky to have it.

I just had to let you know.

ain't no need in fighting for what's yours.

soaking in the bath tub with lavendar epsom salt (:

it feels soooo good. i gotta get out in about 10 minutes though. womppppp. but I'll enjoy it for now. I've been having so much on my mind..

things have been a little rocky in some aspects of my life, but I'm living.. things get worse before they get better anyway. brightside ? I got my hair done (: monica's doing great, the babys doing great.

I'm ready to go back to sam in the fall, sheesh. got 4 classes this summer. needa find a job. all that good stuff. I've just been coolin until then though..

uhh.. there's a mixtape coming out tomorrow that I'm on. I'm ready for it (: it's Denzel and dareyons mixtape so I expect nothing but perfection from it.

joes fine.. if u really cared lol. my mommys well. I haven't talked to Ty'Ron lately.. (his fault) lol but yeah..

kerrys good.. that's a little rocky but you know.. whatevers supposed to happen will. it's moreso me and the things that I desire from a fullblown relationship, ya know ? but whatever.. my answers are coming.

when I get out this tub I'm gonna take a quick shower, eat some pasta, take my dog out and go pick my mommy up from work. I might wanna get out now lol..

yeah, I'll write later. (:

<3

open your arms, not to let the entire world into your life, but to embrace those that come in your life to teach you lessons, to show you love, and to give you respect. open your eyes, not to be judgemental of everyone and everything you see, but to see past their exterior and see the soul. to see that they are human just as you and I. open your ears, not to hear negativity, but to listen closely to those around you, to listen to their hearts, to hear them speak truth and faith out of things that you thought could never have potential to be something great, to hear what needs to be heard. open your mind, not to fill it with the corrupt ideas of the society, but to broaden it with thoughts that you never thought you could think. to learn of new opportunities, and new ideas, to fill it with thoughts of the beauty in each and every person and thing that you come into contact with. fill it with the knowledge of greatness, kindness, faithfulness, success, and opportunity.


Rae (:

come together, right nowwwww.

man. weed brings people together. i'm sitting here with jobeth and 2 girls I just met last weekend. we got high and now we baking a cake. lol smh.

social networking sights and weed will ALWAYS bring people together. I've never blogged in a movig car before lmaoooo.

haha oh ! I got a new phone !! iPhone to be exact and THATS why I'm blogging in a moving car. lmao, it feels good to write in you while I'm high. reaalllyyyy good.

we over here off bissonett and highway6. at ashleys house. when I tell you that this was the most RANDOM date. we talked on Twitter and now we're all together. hahaha

but uhh, back to my festivities.

byeeeee
raeee <3

never.

I NEVER miss a road trip. lol. I'm headed to UTSA right now with the right side of my brain, Rachelle, and two other people. (university of Texas-- San Antonio) for the dummies. lol


we finna do the fool this weekend smh.. and don't take those words lightly. we REALLY bout to act up lol, but I'll tell you aaaalllll about it on Monday. haaha

outtttt.
raeeee <3

praise God !

sooo, i'm happy. not to mention that i'm blessed. tuition was over 9,000 dollars. financial aid finally did their job and knocked it down to over 4,000 dollars. almost 5,000. and my auntie wrote a check and paid all of that off today.. i got my transcript.

everything is working in my favor right now, and it would be so selfish of me to think that i did that all by myself. i give my thanks, every thankful bone that i will ever possess in my body, i give it to God. it's amazing how he sees me through when i can't even find a way to make something out of nothing. He has never failed me.. that's why i put my trust in him before i'd ever put my trust into any of yall. because he does exceedingly and abundantly beyond what we ask or think. amen.

i'm so excited now.. i can go up to hcc, take a few classes.. get enough credit hours to be classified as a sophomore, and register for classes at sam for the fall. get my financial aid together. get all that stuff done.. things don't always work out the way you plan them too. as a matter of fact, they hardly ever do.. but it's just a small delay..

at least that's how i see it. i've been wanting to go to sam houston for waaaayyyy too long to let this little downfall keep me from going back there. if that's something i wanna do, then i'm gonna do it. by all means necessary, it will get done. this is just a minor setback for a major comeback. cliche' i know, but fckyall. lol

i'm in a good mood.. seriously. i'm finna call hcc now and get all that shit straightened out. then i'll be back to let you know the news. i had to write about that. lots of people never take the time out to really explain and confess how appreciative they are for certain happenings. lots of my friends didn't have to go through this. they didn't have to leave school cuz the money wasn't looking right. they weren't forced to take off an entire semester because the money wasn't looking right. they didn't have to struggle through the first semester because the money wasn't looking right. and i'm not complaining, i'm just stating the things that are making me a stronger and better person. throughout my life, i've had it fairly easy. never had a car, but i always went wherever i wanted to go. never had a curfew. always had a few dollars in my pocket. got almost any and everything that i ever wanted.. sa stressful obstacle was bound to come heading my way. and this was it. this aint the only one, but for now.. i overcame this one. i'm proud of myself. it was a test of faith, and i did lose hope for a minute.. but now i am a firm believer in what God can do. i'm living proof that he answers prayers and that he always has our best interest in mind..


i have things to accomplish in this world.. starting with hcc classes. lol so lemme get to that. i aint mean to preach.

byeeeeeee
raee <3

#fuckinup

lol on titter that woulda been a trending topic. sorry to have been abandoning you so much. the time i haven't been fucking with you, i been busy. busy doing a little bit of something but a whole lotta nothing. hahahaha seriously.. i been dealing with a little bit. but i been good. went to hunts ville friday night with joe and tyron. stayed up there with rachelle.

idk what it is with us when we all get together. thats love. wherever we go together anyone around us could imagine the love. we too closely knit to let them get a taste though. lol my little sister's black history program was better than i thought. they did a wonderful job. we were having church up in there ! i tweeted all about it. lol mybad.

but uhh.. i got my song ! i recorded it about a week ago and i jsut got it. (*excuse the typos. i dont feel like correcting them neither.) it's called ''trials of love'' and i'm really proud of it. it coulda been better but i am my own worst critic. that shit aint never been more true.

we got high before we came back today. well, tonight. i'm sleepy but i can not raise my ass off of this seat. ive been in front of this computer for an hour straight. on twitter. lol

i had a formspring and i disabled my account. it wasnt doing anything for me honestly. and who wants to hold on something that aint doing nothing for you ? thats right. NO ONE. lol i'm almost tempted to deactivate my facebook. i only keep it for the pictures. and when i get done with you, i'm probably gon update my status. lmao.

i'm sleepy. seriously.. i'll wirte some more at a later date. maybe tomorrow. hopefully tomorrow my bestfriendforever brings me those zebra cakes he has at his house. i got a glass of milk waiting on them. lol

byeeeee.
rae <3

it's like..

it's like these feelings that are emerging are supposed to be.
nothing feels wrong about this moment, these moments.
nothing feels right when i'm not with you.
nothing feels good if it doesn't involve you,
if my mind isn't on you then nothing ever sits well, of course,
everything sits well because you sit in my mind. like there's a chair on my brain,
you just sit and recline, and relax. and i bet you think as hard as i do when you're sitting there.
so then my mind works 2 times harder trying to match yours.
trying to fill itself with more thoughts of you than you could ever have of me. and it tickles.
maybe that's why i always get those little headaches that make me laugh although they usually provoke some kind of aching pain, i don't feel any pain. i feel GOOD. and feeling good ? feels good.
i always smile at the thought of you, how cliche' was that.
but it's true. my teeth are not ashamed to reveal themselves when i even think of your name.
and it's funny because i didn't realize where all this came from.
how blind am i, i didn't even see that YOU were the one bringing about all these feelings.
you..

it's like i didn't even notice.
i digress.


(all of this JUST came off the top of my head lol. i thought as i typed. i must have A LOT on my mind.)


raeee <3

&

i just hope that you see what you're leaving behind. through all the love that we spoke of and claimed, i figured it was too thick to be cut through by something as childish as this. there's always room for improvement. ima let you have your time and ima give myself some too. i'm always ms. fix it and i aint doing that this time.

this was not my fault. open your eyes and try to see things from my point of view. you should really start handling things in a different way, with other ppl's feelings in mind.

i love you wit hall of my heart,
bestfriendforever. (:

tough luck.

i never understood how someone who loves you so so much, can be so rude and inconsiderate towards you. i still dnt understand it.

some ppl take it too too far. and by people i mean the closest ones to me. word of advice, no when to stop. taking it too far can do damage. but it isnt tht serious, it would have been though if it would have gone any further. assholes.

anywho.. im still in huntsville. sigh, im ready to go home. i needa job, i need to go to school i need some money. like seriously.. but things are looking up. i refuse to si here and complain about everything. i talked to my aunt and my papa about it for the first time. i knw they didnt want my first year college experience to be so sucky, but it wasnt all tht bad. i had fun. and i'll have even more next fall. an apartment and all tht. it'll be fun.

umm.. im upset with tyron. i told him not to ever tlk to me again. of course i didnt mean ever but i was upset. sometimes he becomes this totally different person. its like, the things he does it makes you say "wtf" why are you doing this why are you being this way.. and it shocked me and actually disgusted me. to be one of the main ppl i confide in and then he ends the day in such a manner, yeah.. i am upset. and im upset with joe as well. he isnt a typical best friend. and sometimes he doesnt act like a best friend at all. shit's retarded.

anyway.. i cant wait to go home. i can work on my mixtape moreeeee... i can make my own money. i can see kerry moreee. it'll be funnn (:

today is such a gloomy day. RIP SHOOTA MAC. i didnt knw this man at all. but all over twitter today i saw tht he had passed away. and he has so many friends and family and ppl tht truly love him. and i think he knew alot of famous ppl. nonetheless, i knw the feeling. to lose someone so suddenly is tragic. and worthy of mourning by the ones who were survived. i knw you will truly be missed, and although i never knew you or heard of you until today, i already see the impact you had on the lives of alot of ppl. and i read some of your words, and your twitter.. your knowledge is something alot of us lack. with you in a higher place, i know you can show us some kind of way. and my prayers go to your family and your friends. i know you'll do right by them when you're up there. amen.


im kinda hungry. im finna get in the shower eat a lil something then go meet with residence life so they can get me moved out of my dorm.

byyeee
rae <3

here we goooo..

tsk. you couldnt imagine the weekend i had even in your wildest dreams. seriously.. lol

we did the fool up here in huntsville. i love these ppl. on some real shit.. when you can genuinely love someone, like really love them, thts the kinda love you wanna hold onto and NEVER let go of. love them.

i cooked breakfast ! lol i feel good about tht cuz i dnt usually cook for anyone. not even myself. i havent even cooked for kerry yet. but i just made eggs and waffles for joe, tyron, and rachelle. yaaayyyy !

im a little upset. well not upset, just sad. i feel bad because i wont be able to make it to monicas baby shower. its like her first big thing to welcome in the baby and im missing it. wtf. i feel bad a s shit. and i wish there was a way i could get to houston and get there but i cant. ima just apologize. buy her a gift. and take her shopping or something. i feel like this is something tht i shouldnt have missed because thts my best friend. shucks. :( sigh..

anywho.. i have to tell you my big news. im leaving sam. lol but i'll be bck in the fall. right now tuition is not whats happening lol.. no money, no classes, no meal plan, barely a dorm. like, i have to go do something with my life. joe doesnt wnt me to leave but it simply isnt about what he wants. this is me. although i respect his opinion, i do possess my own. hmm.. im gonna go to hcc for second start classes and get a job and stuff. ima work it out.. and it may help me and kerry, cuz i think its alot of things tht i do tht he does NOT approve of. seriously, he hates tht i drink every now and then. he hates it but i think its cute. lol

umm.. i think ima end this here really quickly. i'll be bck. (:

1.24.10

this life is so amazing.
twists, turns. ups, downs. lefts, rights.
a million things to do with a trillion ways to do them.
and yet we sit and do nothing.

but we are only human and humans do make mistakes.
as fragile as we are, there's so much that we can take.
and as strong as we are, there's so much that we give.
and the things we take from giving sometimes make it hard to live.
and sometimes when we reach, there isn't anything to take.
and sometimes we wish that we'd never put our hearts at stake.
but things happen for a reason, and we can't take them back.
like a train going forward, you can't backtrack on the tracks.
so i can't backtrack on the hurt that i put in your heart.
and i can't tell you that i knew that you would feel this from the start,
this pain, this betrayal, this stab to your soul.
when i knew that i was one of the people that made you whole.
and i knew that what I do had an affect on YOUR life.
but i wasn't in my right mind, and i did not think twice.
but i am only human and i do make mistakes.
from all your disappointment, i wish you could take a break.
but i don't have the power to take the burden off your hands,
and into another man's so that he could understand.
but i wouldn't want to inflict that pain on anybody else,
because when i hurt you, i also hurt myself.
so i'm sorry, but i WON'T be repetitive for long.
the rest is in your hands, and if you choose to hold on,
i'll always have my hand reaching out in your face,
but this is YOUR race,
take it at your own pace..

rae <3

remain faithful..

i went to bible study one wednesday. it was absolutely amazing. fear paralyzes your faith. and disbelief is the complete opposite of faith. hmm..

my faith has been tested and still is being tested throughout this semester. my tuition is an entirely different story in itself. i havent been able to pull happiness from the inside and tht sucks. i realized why we prefer to be sad sometimes. its not tht we like to be unhappy. but its easy to sulk in your own sorrow. its easy to run away from your problems and TRY to deal with your problems by yourself. and i must admit tht i have been victim to tht, but yesterday and today, i felt pure, true happiness. and it feels so good. you feel brand new. you feel refreshed. you feel loved and loving. happiness feels outstanding. smiling feels great.

i wont go into too much depth about my tuition. i dnt wanna complain. im honestly just blessed to even be here, at school, living, breathing, eating. im blessed for everything.

i cut my hair ! woop woop (: it looks really amazing actually. lol i went home recently for my sisters birthday. (ashley) we went to club level, had lots of fun. i gained so much more appreciation for my relationship with kerry. and joe, tsk tsk.. i cant even begin to describe. best friend is an understatement, honestly. i wish i could tag him in this some kinda way but its kinda fun knowing he secretly reads it. haha a

and tyron.. thts a different breed of man. one who gives so mmuch love and barely leaves any for himself. i always tell him to love himself more sometimes. he's so generous. love him.

honestly, when it was time for me to come bck to sam i cried. i cried and cried so hard. i didnt wannna leave my home. my mommy, my sister, my dog lol.. i just knew the semester would start off wrong and i didnt wnt tht. mommy didnt have a job, tuition wasnt paid, money wasnt coming. its tough man..

good news ? mommy has a job. if there is no one in this world tht i will ever respect i will ALWAYS respect my mother. you have a list of strong black women ? add my mother to it. tht woman is the most amazing woman i knw..

did i tell you guys im working on a mixtape ?! it was supposed to come out on january 20. well jan 15 then the 20th but it changed. and i didnt do it. but im serious about it. and i wanna be respected as an artist. seriously.. but it should be out in the summer.. im excited !!!!!!

umm, did i mention i love erian ? i dnt really remember how we got so close but she's here.. and i'd literally die without her. she sees in me what other ppl usually wouldnt. and i appreciate her. i secretly cry sometimes. not bawling cuz i aint no punk lol.. but i just shed a tear every now and then because friends are hard to find. and the way i feel abt erian (not on some gay shit) is indescribable. love her (: loveyou streetz.

umm... my aunt passed this morning. i cried. it just was christmas tht we discussed everything tht she made it through and now she's gone. and im sad for my own sadness, but sometimes my tears are selfish. im crying because i didnt wnt her to leave this earth, but i knw her suffering was unbearable. and who am i to make someone suffer any longer than they should ? shes in a better place im sure of it..

anywho.. i got a special call a couple of days ago. from a friend. my "stalkee" lol i just wanna let YOU knw tht i appreciated tht. seriously, you and me got history like no other. (: thnks.

but ima go. i feel like my typing is getting annoying to this girl.. lol

write later
byeeeeee
rae <3