it's beginning to look a lot like christmaaasss ;)

JOKE. lol it doesnt feel like christmas at all honestly. ive been going through soooooo much.

me and kerry have REALLY been through it these past couple of days. seriously.. like, ugh. its been stressing me out. but we'll see. im bout to go to the movies tonight with him. i love him nonetheless.. and he's what i want. it's what my heart says i want and im gonna listen (sigh) anywho..

i got him a christmas/slash birthday present. tomorrows his birthday. yeeeee.. i cant tell you what it is though, even though he neveerrr reads you. haha

i got my mama, my sister, donald, and kerry something. thats all i needed. i aint had alot of money. like, my family has really been struggling financially. and i mean, i knw we're better off than most. we were still fortunate enough to get christmas presents. we still eat every day and night. we still have clothes, we still have a house. still got cars and phones. so we're blessed honestly.

but its just been a hassle ya knw ? but we're making it. im still as grateful as i can ever be and thts all i need anyway.

but it really does NOT feel like christmas. this year my holiday spirit is like.. almost nonexistent. lol but i shouldnt be tht way.. whatever. im ready for new years really.. im ready like.. i just KNOW things will be better. 2009 was extremely and outrageously eventful, but i knw 2010 is gonna be fantastic. it has to be. i have faith. and faith is a strong thing, i must say..

but uhh.. yah. i have yet to go to the club. cuz you knw im 18 now.. lmao. i can go to the club now without sneaking or anything haha.. but i have yet to go. i got some new pumps today. 25 dollassss.. aint tht a deal ? some baadddd purple pumps.. im going somewhere hell.. lol

but today is my aunts birthday. we're over here eating and celebrating and stuff..

but im logging off now. i'll write later.

byeeeee <3

i have soooo much to tell you...

this week has been soooo hectic. this past weekend was sooo fun. lol i styed up soo late studying for my history final and made a 71. wtf ? lol but i passed the class with a C. so im gooodddd.

i didnt study as much for my political science test. ohhh ! lemme tell you, my final was at 2 yesterday. i set my alarm for 11:45. when tht went off i turned it off and went bck to sleep. ugghh ! i woke up exactly at 2 and i was runnin alll over the place. i was late. iwas the last person in the class and i made a 68 on it. ugh. i passed tht class with a C too. so im gooddd. lol
i just beastd this biology final. it was exactly like the study guide tht she gave us and i knw i passed it with flying colors. i always wondered what ppl meant by "flying colors" lol but whatever. i have one more final tomorrow and then im headed bck to MY CITY. oh how i love houston. i dnt thin you understand just how much. it is waaaayyy better than huntsville. and now im 18 ! lol so i can get into the clubs and stuff you knw ! lol wheewwwww.

they got me takin a final tomorrow at 8 PM at NIGHT wtf ? isnt tht retarded ? its my stupid math final. ima hurry up and finish it so i can be up outta here !

my bff is going to new york. =( but i hope he has fun and he better bring me something bck. lol
i miss kerry and i cant wait to see him. i miss my dog. lol

im so ready to go home tht i dnt even feel like typing anything else. so before i get TOO repetetive on this blog, ima just go. lol

write in you later 1

byeeeee
rae <3

eh..

the day started off unpleasantly <---is tht a word ? lol anyway, idk why im so stressed. pause..
i do knw why im so stressed. and its my own fault. and sometimes, honestly i wish i could be a different person. then i look at all the things i have tht other ppl dnt, and im happy with who i am. the things i wanna change are the things tht can be changed if i stay consistent. and tht whole consistency thing, as far as academics and hell every aspect in life has been easy for me. but college has given tht a run for its money. and it sucks..

im gonna lock myself in a room with nothing but books and paper and a bit of food. ill have no choice to study and stay focused on my work. it wont even be a comfortable room so tht i wont f all asleep. sounds like a plan ? lol i just woke up with teary eyes. thinking of myself as a failure. knwing tht i can do better but taking alternative steps to stray me away from tht "better" and im upset with myself honestly.. (excuse any typos)

im upset tht i am not doing what i could have been doing. and it sucks, i ve even let this stress thin my faith. and sometimes my faith is all i have, and when i lose tht, i'll be stuck. and no one likes to be stuck. smh.. im a mess.

im about to go to my room and say a meeaaannn prayer. god knws my heart, but i dnt. and thts my problem. i wont give my issues to him. and th more i try to let him handle it, the more i worry. and he cant deal with it if im in the way. so from now on, i need to be in the school books AND the bible. my faith is not as strong as it used to and should be. and thts obviously taking a toll on me man.. it sucks.

i asked my bestfriendforever to give me words of advice, as i always do in times of need, and he did just tht. and it seems as if i dnt even have to tell him the problem, but he knws exactly what to say. and im crying as i type because, to have someone complete you like tht.. i digress,

my weekend didnt go as planned. good news: it snowed, bad news: it snowed. lol no one came up to huntsville but tyron. and thts ok. i was upset at first, but me and tyron strengthened our bond. and tht was amazing in itself. i love tht man honestly. and i'd be quite lost without him.

i went to the movies and saw new moon. it probably woulda been better if i woulda saw the first one first. lol but it was alright. interesting. the main men in the movie were sexy, whew ! (wipes forehead) <-- lol but yeah, it was cool..

i got high. lol and i knw tht sounds bad but, it tkes me to another level of thinking. im already at another state of mind than others, the weed tkes me to another world. and i like tht. im not justifying it. but im not knocking it.

im ready to tke finals, PASS them, and go home. i needa break. im 18 now lol and although it hasnt happened yet, things are about to change. or maybe they already are happening and i havent noticed them yet. nonetheless, 18 is a big year. and things will happen tht i may or may not be ready for.. but here they come. lol

i dnt have my music (darnit) and i was really upset too.. but its fine. i still had alot of this shit on my mind, and you're the only one who can tke it all in without being overwhelmed. lol but im dont for now.

im going to my room to eat and sleep. ima study for this math test i have and then im sleeping until 4.

i'll write later. byeee
rae <3

World Aids Day

we arent celebrating AIDS. we're acknowledging those who have it and the ways to prevent it. its a serious matter and we should be a bit more aware..

anywho..i got my music today !!!! sooo, my thanksgiving break was eventful (but not really) lol honestly, i dnt feel like writing about tht right now. ill tell you about tht later. good news!

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW !!!!!!! oohh sheeiitttt. finally reaching my 18th year. the last one. lol but yeah, jess and chell are throwing me a prty at their apt and everyone is coming. bff, ashley, chassidy, monica, tyler, ty'ron, sister, idk who else. lol but its finna be a shitload of fun. streetz cant come =( but its ok. she'll be there in spirit..

but yeah.. cant wait ! im so excited tht i cant sit here and type as much as i usually do. lol i'll write later !

byyeeee
rae<3