dear you.

is it hard to believe that the things we used to discuss still linger in my mind ? is it almost impossible that I am still as in love as I was when we first brought all of that up ?

I feel like I'm being so cheesy but I'm being so real.

I'm literally driving myself insane. it's no ones fault. maybe one day I'll let go of the thought of us one day getting shit together and trying shit out. I'll stop holding on to this "hope" that I have that maybe, just maybe..

but I have a feeling that that day is far away from here. whatever keeps whispering in my mind before I go to sleep, I'm listening. it tells me not to give up. not that I would ever give up on you anyway. giving up on you would be like giving up on myself. I hold you deep in my heart. all the way in there. but anyway.

I think I've said too much because my hearts beginning to race. I have too mch on my mind to write it all down, I guess.

...

hmpf.

if I didn't let the little things get to me so much, i'd be the happiest person alive. unfortunately every little thing pisses me off. and i'm such an emotional person. I don't have this tough exterior. everyone know that I cry. but they don't know how often or why I do it. smh. but those reasons are too much for me to handle so I wouldn't dare share them with the rest of you. I pray everyday for guidance. I just need to stay consistent.


Rae <3

it's just not our season.

meaning, it isn't our time to try something new. it isn't our time to be what we've thought of being every now and again. it's not our time to do anything that one would want to do.. it just isn't our season. analytically, it is your season, but with another. it just isn't my season. we come in a package so.. as I said before, it's just not our season. who ever knew that when seasons change, so does everything. spring flings, winter loves, summer buddies. things that become something or someone different everytime the new season came. it's different with us though. we never changed who we were. we remained true to who we were. and neither did the fling. fling set on fire is a flame. it never changed. makes me believe it was NEVER our season. it was our days.. only in my head though.
sometimes I'd like to say that I am in denial... I think I am.

Raeee <3

daily reminder.

I know you know I love you, but I have to keep telling you. seems like with all you have going on you may forget that my love is always there. I'm always in the middle of your mind, I hope. cuz I know someone else is occupying your front, and I'm too important to be in the back.

so I love you. remember that foo..

Raeeee <3

for lovers only.

see ? reciprocation. nobody believes in that anymore. nobody except for me. it's sad, really.

always.

I've just always been there. I've alwys held you down. I've always made a way for you before making a way for myself. Crazy, right ? Love'll make you do some crazy things, I'm living proof of that. We have this rollercoaster relationship. It's like I always have to wonder where we stand or how you feel. I'm too scared to ask, though. I'm afraid that the answer I receive may not be what I wanna hear. That's when i begin to try to read you. I try to make out some of the things you say and do to somehow depict what you're thinking. I sit and contemplate the things we've been through and the things I've done recently. That's when I begin to question myself. Even with everything that I've ever done for you in this life, I still manage to believe that I can do one thing that can make you drop me just like that. Even with the money I've given you, even with all the tears I've shed for you, even with all of the times I've saved you or given you whatever you needed. I can still manage to do that ONE thing that makes you forget all of the good I've done, and forget me forever.
I never understood how you could do that. I never understand alot of the thongs you do anymore, but I keep trying. I keep fighting for you. I keep trying for you. I stay down. I stay by your side. Because no matter how much you push and shove me away, you need me. I need you. And I know we didn't get this far to drop it down the drain. So I keep trying. For you. I'd literally give everything fr you. But you already knew that.

Rae <3