just F.Y.I.

i just thougt i would make a statement...

i was planning on deleting a few of these blogs but i changed my mind. blogs, to me, are way of random expression. on the spot thoughts that are written dwn just to release some emotion or just words. so i will never delete anything i have ever written on this blog because at tht particular time i was feeling a certain way. and i'll be able to reflect on those times whenever i come back and reread this stuff. certain emotions were depicted through these blogs. good or bad. they will remain.


peace.

forever.

hmm. where do i begin...

ugh. all these feelings cant be controlled. i always asked myself why i stayed attracted to yu. cuz we were never nrmal. lol. seriously. we never did the things we planned. we never acted on our emotions. it was all just a joke but not really. we just treated it like one. and our best friend (lol) said tht i was in love with yu. and i aint wanna agree. cuz yu aint really the type to be tryna fall in love with. no offense haha. but. ASSHOLE doesnt really give off the image of deep love. but i miss what we had. whatever it was. i miss it. cuz thru all the disagreements came alot of good conversations. and i managed to spit out "i love yu" a couple of times. and i actually meant it. and i seem to catch myself reading yur stuff everyday. and looking at yur pictures all the time. not a day goes by tht im not curious about what could have been. now dnt think im a stalker or some shit. haha. i can just honestly tht yu were one of a kind to me. ugghhh. i miss yu. and in the time tht i was talking to yu i knew i could have found better but i didnt wnt to. because better still wouldnt have been yu. better wouldnt make me laugh or cry or yell or scream or sing the way tht yu did. remember when i would sing to yu??? i wish i could still do tht but it would only make me love yu more and fall back into what we had. but it wouldnt be the same. cuz what we had isnt there. it isnt we anymore. it sucks. and now im sad. lol. i knew what i was getting myself into. i knew what kind of person yu are and i thought it was cute. and i still do. and i feel like im the one who matched yu most. but shiittt...idk who's in yur life now. replaced me. i wouldnt do anything differently between us except the ending. and to this day i still wouldnt be able to leave yu alone. cuz yu left a mark on me. a deep dark mark tht will never go away. sometimes. i wish we could be. and i remember yu telling me tht yu sucked at relationships. but i dnt care. cuz yu never sucked at what we had. even when yu pissed the fuck out of me. lmao. but. those are just things i think about. and who knows what the future holds. i admit tht im with someone. and i really like him. but...if the wind blew yu back to me i would take yu with open arms. and thts truth.

love yu. forever.

more random thoughts.

haha. chipmunk's kickback for her 17th birthday. we had fun tht night. neighbors calling the police and shit. anywho. senior year is going by so rapidly. soon enough graduation will be here and we will be in college. grown up. mature. it almost seems unreal. some ppl in high school yu will never see again. i learned in church today tht if yu have made an accomplishment yu cant expect someone who hasnt to rejoice with yu over yur success. thts when yu realize who yur friends are. as yu continue to move up on the success ladder friends start disappearing. and yu have to be fine with tht. because everyone is not a friend. but ppl still choose to use the term freely. thts how feelings get hurt. wise words tht we all should live by. LSG had a carwash on saturday. very successful. then i got my hair done. me and [him] went out. [him]. he's so awesome. i cant quite put my finger on why God put him in my life because i know ive done some things and i dnt deserve to be with him. but i do deserve to be happy and thts what i am with him. its great. moving on...homecoming is next weekend. im excited. LSG is having a halloween party tht friday. yur invited. lol. i should be doing some homework but...i smoothly closed the book cuz i figured i would do it before i fell asleep. im such a BUM. but...guess im logging off for the night. just had to release the randomness tht crowded my mind. night night.

rae.

Sometimes;

sometimes...
written by: Raveen Johnson


sometimes it seems as if i bother yu. like the things i did before do not attract yu anymore.
sometimes it seems as if yur skies have all turned gray. &&there's nothing i can say to make the gloom fade away.
sometimes i think tht what yu wnt is not with me. and yur heart is telling yu tht it'd be best for yu to leave.
but i cant help but wonder why these feelings take control. when all i wnt to do is make yu happy. make yu whole.
and to think tht i was about to pour my soul into yu. seems like yu wouldnt take it cuz yur actions say yur through.
yu've always been one to never finish what yu start. so why did i think tht yu'd be different with my heart.
i wish things could be different cuz im fighting for yur love. just open up yur eyes and i'll be what yu dreamed of.
giving me some chances but not tryna make it work. just two ppl with a title tht can be thrown in the dirt.
we talked about the sacrifices and choices we would make. the actions and the steps and the journey we would take.
so how come yu can change yur mind in the midst of all emotion.
acting like ive given everything but my devotion.
sometimes. just sometimes i wish tht things would be
the way we always wanted. well maybe it was just me.
so why'd yu waste my time giving me false hope.
whispering all those sweet nothings. it was all a big joke.
but dnt hold yur breath. there is no other like myself.
and yu'll soon figure tht out when yur searching for someone else.
hope she has everything i didnt. did the things i couldnt do.
gave yu everything yu wanted. may it all work out for yu.
as the relationship grows stronger, with some things yu wont concur.
soon enough yu'll be writing these same sometimes to her.

back again

been away for too long. im back though.haa; anywho.so much has been happening.well...lol. not really.but..there's this guy...he's almost perfect if not already perfect.pointblank.does things tht no one has ever done.treats me like ive never been treated.opened my eyes to things tht i never knew boys knew how to do.now i knw tht its the guys i usually tlk to.they never did anything he does.and its rare to find one like him.haha.i think ima keep him.cheerleading is awesome.school is ok.got alot of friends.and i know for certain they are my friends.i just went to this job interview at this place called sweet and sassy.seems like its gonna be fun sooo..im hoping they call me back.i recently hurt my knee.i dnt know how serious it is.i just know its been a almost a week now and it still hurts.ugh.yeah...im trying out for competition squad.tht should be exciting.yep.best friend joe loves me.hehe.he told me.and best friends monica and chalie told me they love me.i knw they aint lying.lol.anywho.ive been driving alot more.cant wait til i get my own ride.dropped a lot of ppl in my life.and aint lookin back for a minute.im involved in this thing ccalled LSG[Lamar.Senior.Girls]yu could say we takin over.haa;but other than tht??im good.ive been good.life is good.not perfect.but i refuse to complain.yur like my daily journal.lol.but im outt.

peace.