tsk. you couldnt imagine the weekend i had even in your wildest dreams. seriously.. lol
we did the fool up here in huntsville. i love these ppl. on some real shit.. when you can genuinely love someone, like really love them, thts the kinda love you wanna hold onto and NEVER let go of. love them.
i cooked breakfast ! lol i feel good about tht cuz i dnt usually cook for anyone. not even myself. i havent even cooked for kerry yet. but i just made eggs and waffles for joe, tyron, and rachelle. yaaayyyy !
im a little upset. well not upset, just sad. i feel bad because i wont be able to make it to monicas baby shower. its like her first big thing to welcome in the baby and im missing it. wtf. i feel bad a s shit. and i wish there was a way i could get to houston and get there but i cant. ima just apologize. buy her a gift. and take her shopping or something. i feel like this is something tht i shouldnt have missed because thts my best friend. shucks. :( sigh..
anywho.. i have to tell you my big news. im leaving sam. lol but i'll be bck in the fall. right now tuition is not whats happening lol.. no money, no classes, no meal plan, barely a dorm. like, i have to go do something with my life. joe doesnt wnt me to leave but it simply isnt about what he wants. this is me. although i respect his opinion, i do possess my own. hmm.. im gonna go to hcc for second start classes and get a job and stuff. ima work it out.. and it may help me and kerry, cuz i think its alot of things tht i do tht he does NOT approve of. seriously, he hates tht i drink every now and then. he hates it but i think its cute. lol
umm.. i think ima end this here really quickly. i'll be bck. (:
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
1.24.10
this life is so amazing.
twists, turns. ups, downs. lefts, rights.
a million things to do with a trillion ways to do them.
and yet we sit and do nothing.
but we are only human and humans do make mistakes.
as fragile as we are, there's so much that we can take.
and as strong as we are, there's so much that we give.
and the things we take from giving sometimes make it hard to live.
and sometimes when we reach, there isn't anything to take.
and sometimes we wish that we'd never put our hearts at stake.
but things happen for a reason, and we can't take them back.
like a train going forward, you can't backtrack on the tracks.
so i can't backtrack on the hurt that i put in your heart.
and i can't tell you that i knew that you would feel this from the start,
this pain, this betrayal, this stab to your soul.
when i knew that i was one of the people that made you whole.
and i knew that what I do had an affect on YOUR life.
but i wasn't in my right mind, and i did not think twice.
but i am only human and i do make mistakes.
from all your disappointment, i wish you could take a break.
but i don't have the power to take the burden off your hands,
and into another man's so that he could understand.
but i wouldn't want to inflict that pain on anybody else,
because when i hurt you, i also hurt myself.
so i'm sorry, but iWON'T be repetitive for long.
the rest is in your hands, and if you choose to hold on,
i'll always have my hand reaching out in your face,
but this is YOUR race,
take it at your own pace..
rae <3
twists, turns. ups, downs. lefts, rights.
a million things to do with a trillion ways to do them.
and yet we sit and do nothing.
but we are only human and humans do make mistakes.
as fragile as we are, there's so much that we can take.
and as strong as we are, there's so much that we give.
and the things we take from giving sometimes make it hard to live.
and sometimes when we reach, there isn't anything to take.
and sometimes we wish that we'd never put our hearts at stake.
but things happen for a reason, and we can't take them back.
like a train going forward, you can't backtrack on the tracks.
so i can't backtrack on the hurt that i put in your heart.
and i can't tell you that i knew that you would feel this from the start,
this pain, this betrayal, this stab to your soul.
when i knew that i was one of the people that made you whole.
and i knew that what I do had an affect on YOUR life.
but i wasn't in my right mind, and i did not think twice.
but i am only human and i do make mistakes.
from all your disappointment, i wish you could take a break.
but i don't have the power to take the burden off your hands,
and into another man's so that he could understand.
but i wouldn't want to inflict that pain on anybody else,
because when i hurt you, i also hurt myself.
so i'm sorry, but i
the rest is in your hands, and if you choose to hold on,
i'll always have my hand reaching out in your face,
but this is YOUR race,
take it at your own pace..
rae <3
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
remain faithful..
i went to bible study one wednesday. it was absolutely amazing. fear paralyzes your faith. and disbelief is the complete opposite of faith. hmm..
my faith has been tested and still is being tested throughout this semester. my tuition is an entirely different story in itself. i havent been able to pull happiness from the inside and tht sucks. i realized why we prefer to be sad sometimes. its not tht we like to be unhappy. but its easy to sulk in your own sorrow. its easy to run away from your problems and TRY to deal with your problems by yourself. and i must admit tht i have been victim to tht, but yesterday and today, i felt pure, true happiness. and it feels so good. you feel brand new. you feel refreshed. you feel loved and loving. happiness feels outstanding. smiling feels great.
i wont go into too much depth about my tuition. i dnt wanna complain. im honestly just blessed to even be here, at school, living, breathing, eating. im blessed for everything.
i cut my hair ! woop woop (: it looks really amazing actually. lol i went home recently for my sisters birthday. (ashley) we went to club level, had lots of fun. i gained so much more appreciation for my relationship with kerry. and joe, tsk tsk.. i cant even begin to describe. best friend is an understatement, honestly. i wish i could tag him in this some kinda way but its kinda fun knowing he secretly reads it. haha a
and tyron.. thts a different breed of man. one who gives so mmuch love and barely leaves any for himself. i always tell him to love himself more sometimes. he's so generous. love him.
honestly, when it was time for me to come bck to sam i cried. i cried and cried so hard. i didnt wannna leave my home. my mommy, my sister, my dog lol.. i just knew the semester would start off wrong and i didnt wnt tht. mommy didnt have a job, tuition wasnt paid, money wasnt coming. its tough man..
good news ? mommy has a job. if there is no one in this world tht i will ever respect i will ALWAYS respect my mother. you have a list of strong black women ? add my mother to it. tht woman is the most amazing woman i knw..
did i tell you guys im working on a mixtape ?! it was supposed to come out on january 20. well jan 15 then the 20th but it changed. and i didnt do it. but im serious about it. and i wanna be respected as an artist. seriously.. but it should be out in the summer.. im excited !!!!!!
umm, did i mention i love erian ? i dnt really remember how we got so close but she's here.. and i'd literally die without her. she sees in me what other ppl usually wouldnt. and i appreciate her. i secretly cry sometimes. not bawling cuz i aint no punk lol.. but i just shed a tear every now and then because friends are hard to find. and the way i feel abt erian (not on some gay shit) is indescribable. love her (: loveyou streetz.
umm... my aunt passed this morning. i cried. it just was christmas tht we discussed everything tht she made it through and now she's gone. and im sad for my own sadness, but sometimes my tears are selfish. im crying because i didnt wnt her to leave this earth, but i knw her suffering was unbearable. and who am i to make someone suffer any longer than they should ? shes in a better place im sure of it..
anywho.. i got a special call a couple of days ago. from a friend. my "stalkee" lol i just wanna let YOU knw tht i appreciated tht. seriously, you and me got history like no other. (: thnks.
but ima go. i feel like my typing is getting annoying to this girl.. lol
write later
byeeeeee
rae <3
my faith has been tested and still is being tested throughout this semester. my tuition is an entirely different story in itself. i havent been able to pull happiness from the inside and tht sucks. i realized why we prefer to be sad sometimes. its not tht we like to be unhappy. but its easy to sulk in your own sorrow. its easy to run away from your problems and TRY to deal with your problems by yourself. and i must admit tht i have been victim to tht, but yesterday and today, i felt pure, true happiness. and it feels so good. you feel brand new. you feel refreshed. you feel loved and loving. happiness feels outstanding. smiling feels great.
i wont go into too much depth about my tuition. i dnt wanna complain. im honestly just blessed to even be here, at school, living, breathing, eating. im blessed for everything.
i cut my hair ! woop woop (: it looks really amazing actually. lol i went home recently for my sisters birthday. (ashley) we went to club level, had lots of fun. i gained so much more appreciation for my relationship with kerry. and joe, tsk tsk.. i cant even begin to describe. best friend is an understatement, honestly. i wish i could tag him in this some kinda way but its kinda fun knowing he secretly reads it. haha a
and tyron.. thts a different breed of man. one who gives so mmuch love and barely leaves any for himself. i always tell him to love himself more sometimes. he's so generous. love him.
honestly, when it was time for me to come bck to sam i cried. i cried and cried so hard. i didnt wannna leave my home. my mommy, my sister, my dog lol.. i just knew the semester would start off wrong and i didnt wnt tht. mommy didnt have a job, tuition wasnt paid, money wasnt coming. its tough man..
good news ? mommy has a job. if there is no one in this world tht i will ever respect i will ALWAYS respect my mother. you have a list of strong black women ? add my mother to it. tht woman is the most amazing woman i knw..
did i tell you guys im working on a mixtape ?! it was supposed to come out on january 20. well jan 15 then the 20th but it changed. and i didnt do it. but im serious about it. and i wanna be respected as an artist. seriously.. but it should be out in the summer.. im excited !!!!!!
umm, did i mention i love erian ? i dnt really remember how we got so close but she's here.. and i'd literally die without her. she sees in me what other ppl usually wouldnt. and i appreciate her. i secretly cry sometimes. not bawling cuz i aint no punk lol.. but i just shed a tear every now and then because friends are hard to find. and the way i feel abt erian (not on some gay shit) is indescribable. love her (: loveyou streetz.
umm... my aunt passed this morning. i cried. it just was christmas tht we discussed everything tht she made it through and now she's gone. and im sad for my own sadness, but sometimes my tears are selfish. im crying because i didnt wnt her to leave this earth, but i knw her suffering was unbearable. and who am i to make someone suffer any longer than they should ? shes in a better place im sure of it..
anywho.. i got a special call a couple of days ago. from a friend. my "stalkee" lol i just wanna let YOU knw tht i appreciated tht. seriously, you and me got history like no other. (: thnks.
but ima go. i feel like my typing is getting annoying to this girl.. lol
write later
byeeeeee
rae <3
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